The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe has eleven words in its title, including six articles, and two different types of punctuation. Even if it were to be abbreviated, which would amount to TCONTLTWATW, it is still very long. The film is based off the first book in a series of books by C.S. Lewis that I have never read, nor will I. Going into the theatre I noticed the excitement radiating off my fellow fantasy and punctuation loving peers. They could not wait to see one of their favorite stories brought to life. A large part of the amusement of these books is their strong biblical undertones. The movie opens up in London during World War II. The teenage boy next to me told me that World War II was supposed to symbolize the German occupation of parts of Europe and how it wasn’t anywhere in the Bible. Anyways, Lucy, Peter, Edmund and Susan are all sent to live with a professor because of this “war”. Several cute little scenes follow to make it blatantly obvious that Peter is the unconfident leader, Lucy is the imaginative child, Susan is the impatient mother figure and Edmund is the little bastard who almost fucks Narnia in the ass. So yeah, they find this magical land in their wardrobe called Narnia. Narnia is ruled over by an Ice Queen, who makes Narnia cold all year round and is also mean. The boy next to me told me the Ice Queen is supposed to represent Hitler in the real world. Anyways, a half goat half goat-man soon befriends them named Mr.Tumnus. A highlight of the movie is every time you get to watch Mr.Tumnus walk. The film will receive an extra half star in my review just for this feature. He tells the children that an ancient prophecy says two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve will come and save Narnia from the Ice Queen’s cold wrath. The children gasped at the news, for they were the children of Adam Curry, the early 90s MTV VJ, and Eve Byron, famed romance novelist. They knew it was them who would fulfill the prophecy. And this is a long fucking movie so I don’t want to dissect the entire thing, but basically, THEY FULFILL THE PROPHECY. There’s a surprisingly cool battle scene between lions and monsters and fauns and ice queens and sprites and birds and humans. The lion didn’t have as much screen time as I had thought, since he was billed first in the title. But all in all the movie succeeded in sucking me into the story. So this isn’t one of those ‘you’re going to be fucking lost if you haven’t read the books’ sort of movie, like every Harry Potter as far as I’m concerned. The two things I thought they did the best job with were the battle scene and making the Ice Queen a total heartless mean bitch. She is really scary and I was scared whenever she got on screen. The one major thing that was wrong with the movie was that the kids were English, because when English people talk, it’s annoying, and I don’t like it. So maybe they can work on that for the sequel. Actually, I just thought of another thing that was wrong with the movie. Actually, it might not be something ‘wrong’, just something that wasn’t very clear to me. These friggin kids come from to Narnia from Earth byway of their magical wardrobe. And then they save Narnia. Okay, I got that part. But then the film flashes forward and the kids are like 20 years old, still English, and then they see where they first landed from the wardrobe, and they’re like, “Hey, this looks familiar. Haven’t we been here before? Hmmm…..Man, I can’t remember. That was so long ago.” So basically, once they saved Narnia, did they just forget that they weren't fucking from there? Did they get so caught up in the excitement that they forgot that Adam Curry and Eve Byron were waiting for them on Earth, their home, which was through the wardrobe? That didn’t sit well with me. Another thing, is that apparently Santa also lives in Narnia, which is contrary to popular belief. The boy next to me said that in the movie, Santa represents Jesus, and that it was supposed to mean that Jesus is just lonely and trying to get everyone to celebrate his own birthday each year. I can believe that I guess.