The opening of Silent Night, Deadly Night is one of the most insanely cool opening scenes of any movie. If your friends start the movie without you, and you walk in after the opening scene, don’t even attempt to watch this fucking movie. You will be doing yourself a disservice. Demand that they rewind it, and if they don’t, poop everywhere. Unless it’s your house, but then you would have the right to demand they rewind it.  Anyways, it’s Christmas Eve in 1971 and little Billy somehow gets put alone with his crazy grandpa in a mental hospital. Crazy grandpa tells Billy, “Have you been good all year?” “No” “Ya know what Santa does to kids who are naughty don’tcha? He punishes them! If ya see Santa this year, ya better RUN…ya better RUN BOY!!” This entire movie is traumatizing, and in the best and most fun possible way. I’ve recently invented a word that I’d like to share with you. The word is “heckyooray.” This term is used to describe movies that setup something that could be completely cool, and in your brain you’re wishing to God that they really do this thing, but also in your brain you know that what you’re thinking is too fucked up to be in a normal movie, but a ‘heckyooray’ movie would still do it. ‘Heckyooray’ movies have balls. The term comes from a mixture of you jumping up and going “Heck yes!” and “Hooray!” whenever this really fucking cool thing happens. Well Silent Night, Deadly Night is a ‘heckyooray’ movie to the max. It totally delivers in every scene and never disappoints by wimping out of its promises. Scream queen Linnea Quigley gets impaled onto a pair of deer antlers. A deaf man dressed up as Santa Claus gets accidentally shot by the police. The ultimate Christmas movie.

The plot is especially cool for the slasher genre. Unlike most slasher movies, the entire film is told from the killer’s point of view and we really get to know just why this kid is so screwed up. And man, I am a fan of the idea of myself not being this kid, because if I were, I would be completely screwed up, just like this kid is, in this movie, Silent Night, Deadly Night, man. After Billy’s encouraging talk with his grandpa, a criminal dressed as Santa hijacks his family’s car. The Santa man shoots Billy’s dad and tries to rape his mom, but ends up just stabbing her to death. Billy watches all of this and, for reasons that are never really clear, he hates Santa for the rest of his life. After seeing that, and obtaining martial law from this bitch Mother Superior at his boarding school and also seeing her punish a young nun for having sex, little Billy’s brain is fried. While this sucks for Billy, it soon becomes very fun to watch for everyone in Videoland. When he’s older, Billy is forced to dress as Santa at the store he works at. This causes some major mind-fuck weird psycho analysis thing and Billy goes on a killing rampage, killing everyone who is “naughty.”

Silent Night, Deadly Night was boycotted by several angry parental organizations and the film was pulled only a week and a half after it’s theatrical release. The movie went onto have about four sequels, all of which I have heard sucked. I have Part 2, but I haven’t watched it yet. All in all this is a pretty sick fucking movie. If you’re someone who doesn’t like violence, then I would tell you to just not watch this movie, but instead I’m going to tell you to stop reading my reviews. Because violence is one of the most fun things to watch, and if you don’t agree, then you’re dumb, and you should stop watching movies. This movie is filled with things I think make movies great. So all you kids turn off your Christmas Story and It’s A Wondeful Life, and go out and rent Silent Night, Deadly Night. It’s the greatest gift you could give your family this Christmas. Have a Heckyooray Christmas.

BY: JASON VERNON

From writer/director Stephen Gaghan, winner of the Best Screenplay Academy Award for Traffic, comes Syriana, a political thriller that unfolds against the intrigue of the global oil industry. From the players brokering back-room deals in Washington to the men toiling in the oil fields of the Persian Gulf, the film's multiple storylines weave together to illuminate the human consequences of the fierce pursuit of wealth and power. As a career CIA operative (George Clooney) begins to uncover the disturbing truth about the work he has devoted his life to, an up-and-coming oil broker (Matt Damon) faces an unimaginable family tragedy and finds redemption in his partnership with an idealistic Gulf prince (Alexander Siddig). A corporate lawyer (Jeffrey Wright) faces a moral dilemma as he finesses the questionable merger of two powerful U.S. oil companies, while across the globe, a disenfranchised Pakistani teenager (Mazhar Munir) falls prey to the recruiting efforts of a charismatic cleric. Each plays their small part in the vast and complex system that powers the industry, unaware of the explosive impact their lives will have upon the world

            Today I’ll be discussing with my keyboard the movies “Syriana” and “Munich.”  Both have one word titles.  Both deal with political doings of terrorists and the like.  Both are filmed with an overall documentary feel.  Yet one was greeted with praise by my fellow movie going audience and the other with ire.  Why?  Is it because people recognize the name Spielberg and not the name Gaghan.  Perhaps.  Is it because Jews are more lovable than Arbas.  Maybe.  Is it because an audience is less inclined to enjoy a movie which employs story telling methods a bit more alien to them?  That’s the point I will argue here.

            You might not recognize the name Stephen Gaghan, but more than likely if you’re reading this you’ve seen the movie “Traffic”.  Gaghan employees the same character developments methods in “Syriana” as he did in “Traffic.”  The story is told through singular decisions that each of the many characters must make.  Each decision reveals much about that character and affects other characters thus propelling the story.  Plot is of almost no consequences as little actually happens in the movie which amounts to anything at the end.  There is no superhero to save the day from evil.  There are no crusading astronauts to pillage the space pirates and marry the space queens.  No houses of wax in which to terrorize teenagers, only characters written with overwhelming shades of humanity who must deal with their personal devils.

            The film does smack of liberalism.  I can see how it might offend your sense of political “rightness.”  If you are going to the movies to have your political affiliations stroked affectionately you should probably just stay home.  While I’ll say that the movie slants to the left it certainly does not preach from either end.  This film leaves everything open to interpretation.  If you agree, grand.  If you don’t, grand as well, but at least you were moved to think for a moment.  You can not sit through this movie with your mind on autopilot.  If you don’t want to be actively engaged with the movie then it will offer nothing for you.  The people who got up and left after thirty minutes, the people who declared it the worst movie they’ve seen on the way out the door, these people wanted to be entertained.  They wanted to sit back and see evil punished, good triumph, America win the day, and all the pretty people fuck at the end of the day.  And why did they want this?  Because they’ve come to expect it from Hollywood.  If that’s what you’re force fed then that’s what you develop a taste for.  I say bravo to Gaghan for giving us something different to snack on.

            “Munich”.  The nation of Israel has already come out and said that because of this movie Spielberg is no longer a friend of the Jews.  First off he IS a jew.  Second, did they forget “Schindler’s List?”  What more do they want?  I will readily admit I have very little historical knowledge of the actual events the movie depicts.  I must take the film at face value and believe the facts the movie presents while also realizing much of it is of course a dramatization.  Looking at it in that light I cannot see why they are angry.  It seems proper weight and care is given to the subject matter.  Perhaps they are upset that nothing is sugar coated.

            Despite all of that “Munich” is similar in many was to “Syriana” both thematically and in form.  Both involve political intrigue and governments acting as terrorists.  Both are frightening reminders of the power of governments.  Both made me wet my pants to think that if I and others don’t pay more attention to the world around us that some shit is gonna happen.  Bad shit.  Eloquent?  Anyway, “Munich” employs the same sort of character development features while giving the audience much more plot and archetypal emotion to hold onto.  I think this is the main reason any given audience might be more willing to accept “Munich” over “Syriana” as a viable film of great stature.

            As a final note I’ll mention that neither film pulls any punches.  As the budget of one allowed for far more punches to be thrown, one certainly overtakes the other with its rawness.  Both films bring an element of realism through violence which did a fantastic job of moving what is normally “hey cool explosion” to “holy crap lots of people just died.  That’s horrible.”  Well done.